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Five weeks, and then three.

January 9, 2012

It’s been five weeks since I was released from the hospital, after a week, and two respiratory arrests. More than once I have tried to write a description of those days, and could never finish. Why? Returning from the hospital left me shaken, weak, and uncertain of my future.

For one thing, my BP *still* is not yet stable. It still hits 200/100 practically everyday. The longer this has continued, the more spooked I have gotten. “Perhaps,” I think, “I’m just slowly sliding down a wall of sand, with death at the bottom. Perhaps I have reached the roll-out.” Although I don’t fear what it will be like to live through death anymore, I want to stay alive! I want to be healthy! What if it just is not to be?”

Five weeks of paralysis. Well, no more. Now I have  a date to work towards: Jan 31, 2012. That is the last day to which I can post my 5-minute video to participate in the 2012 Neuro Film Contest, which is run by the American Academy of Neurology. I intend to record a 5 minute “chalk talk” about CPS.  It will have to be a straight-on presentation about what CPS is, what it feels like, how people acquire it, all the different forms it can take… all the things I’ve learned since October 2007. These are all the things that the field of neurology should learn about, as well.

If I live 50 more days, or 50 more years, it will never be long enough.So rather than regretting either how I’ve spent the time so far, or how little time I may yet have, it’s time to figure out who I know that may have, and would be willing to loan,  a camcorder tripod

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